as of late my hours of slumber have grown increasingly messed up, during the week i tend to fall asleep around 4 or 5 in the morning and wake up around 2ish, on the weekends i fall asleep around the same time as during the week but i wake up god knows when(early) in the past 3-4 weekends i have, on average obtained 10 hours of sleep a weekend. this i really fucking with my “biological clock”.
i have something on my mind but i don’t want to admit the truth of what i am think about.
to begin a new, without any worries, to put so much faith in something, giving all i have to give only to have it torn apart right in front of my face, powerless to prevent it, all i can do is go along and see what the out come is, is it gonna hurt? probably.
with the loose ends dangling infront of my face, tempting me to do what i don’t want to do but i am powerless to go against it. this evil presence is looming over me, i don’t know what to do about this. give in to it and say FUCK YOU to the ones who don’t deserve it and become the asshole i claim to be, or say fuck you this this presence and live the way i have been treating everyone with the respect even though they might not deserve it and continue being the “nice guy”.
i feel like no one know the “real me”. i feel like i am alone (and i don’t mean oh i have no girlfriend) like there is no one i can turn to when i need to talk on my time, like everyone is busy when i feel like talking and when they do have time they don’t want to spend it talking to me. i guess it is my fault to putting so much trust in others expecting to be trusted in return. it must all be folly, some stupid idea conjured up in the cockles of my heart.
i was talking to this person the other day and i asked this person what they thought of me. did they think i was a nice guy or am i just another hole in a sea of asses. they replied in a very generous way. and i said all that to say this. i don’t know why but i have recetly wondered what people think of me, i dunno why i just think of these things (mostly at work). it kinda bothers me that i even think about this because i am not the type of person to really care what people think about me. fix me please
i guess i have said what i have to say except for this quote, “Whatever Happens, Happens” i try to live my life according to this quote, living in the best possible way i can.
laterz.
June 8th, 2005 at 4:55 PM
its a hard knock life…
and most people only care about themselves. your friends, your family, and even yourself. the proof is in the fact you want people to hear you, but do you want to hear them half as much as you want them to hear you? im not calling you — im the same way. heres what i think:
life is coming to a series of realizations
1- 99% of people dont give two shits about you
2 - 99% you probably only care about yourself. (even if you listen to someone elses problems or tend to someones needs, it can still be selfish. example: you help people because it makes you feel better about yourself. like a good person. its at no real sacrifice to you. or rather, it benfits. as long as it benefits you, it cant be completely selfless. heres the test - do something nice for someone that will never know you did it for them, and that you will never gain anything from doing it.)
3 - we arent rock stars, movie gods or otherwise important peeple like we think we are. if we die today, it wont change the world in the slightest.
THERE ARE MANY MORE. all of this is subject to change. of course, to transcened from the human way is seemingly impossible(mortally).
work hard for the things you want. and put yourself aside for others. sounds difficult? they almost cancel each other out i know. in 5 years, i’ll have completely different advice for you(if this can eb considered advice)
June 8th, 2005 at 11:12 PM
Xack speaks true. I especially agree with his challenge to do something nice for someone that they will never know about and that will never benefit you. I wish I had some advice for you myself, but I too am an inconsiderate asshole. I can’t even tell you that I’d always be here to talk to because let’s face it, I’m a bit of a “Waldo” sometimes. I can offer this though: overanalyzation will drive you insane. Take it from a veteran. I’ve always believed that we spend most of our lives under the water with only small chances to go up for air, simply put, life is mostly misery with only short bursts of happiness. Take it when you can, endure when you can’t. If anyone says there’s a better way, make em prove it. If they do…send them to me.
June 10th, 2005 at 9:56 AM
You can lean on me, when you’re not strong.
June 23rd, 2005 at 11:06 PM
Well, I mean, I think after 6:00 is when most South American cultures officially term it “evening,” the time before being “day,” obviously. That’s just as I recollect so don’t hold me to it. Now in terms of the lower 48, I’d have to say “when it’s dark” is a pretty good rule of thumb for identifying night.
June 24th, 2005 at 11:15 AM
what?
June 24th, 2005 at 1:15 PM
Jeremiah wanted to know: “When Does The Day End and The Night Begin?” I tried to answer this question.
June 24th, 2005 at 4:12 PM
guys that are an ass, i hate. chicks that have an ass, i love.
March 20th, 2006 at 8:56 PM