illness has pervade my body. i awoke this morning with a terrible pounding headache and the inability to breathe through my nose. at first, i thought its source was that of my germy always-sick roommate, but then i realized that this, in fact, was not the truth.

i rolled over, staring listlessly onto the white tile floor, and noticed a family of dust bunnies treking slowly away from my airconditioner.

it seems that all the packing and removal of personal items i have been doing the past few days has unveiled hidden allergens that had once hid safely under my bed and behind my shoerack. particles that had slept safely unnoticed from months passed.

still lying there, still staring glossy-eyed towards the linoleum, another thought began to unhatch in my fevered mind.

dust. what is dust?
according to websters dictionary, as a noun and a whole it is:

1.Fine, dry particles of matter.
2.A cloud of fine, dry particles.
3.Particles of matter regarded as the result of disintegration: fabric that had fallen to dust over the centuries.

a.Earth, especially when regarded as the substance of the grave: “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” (Book of Common Prayer).
b.The surface of the ground.
5.A debased or despised condition.
6.Something of no worth.

and then i thought of what it really was-hair…pocket lint..linen from clothes..but mostly, millions upon millions of skin flakes. i thought about all the pieces of all the people who had been in my room. all the tiny parts that everyone who had touched my life had unsuspectingly spilt. of course, most of it was mine and my roommate’s, but somewhere-within all that debris,all of that filth that i had unknowlingly helped to produce-perhaps there was some piece of someone i thought had left completely. some part of them that was discarded one night when we sat close in the dark discussing our deepest thoughts and emotions. the scent was gone. the mental image had even worn away, but i was never done with them.

i think about that little part of that person attacking my immune system and stifling my ability to breathe..keeping me up at night..agitating every inch of my being. then i think of the quote “ashes to ashes and dust to dust”, and it is all beautiful and ironic to me.

i swept it up in a dustpan and threw it away.