Greg Dawson: Good morning viewers! Today we are fortunate to talk to the man that the world only knows as Balloon Man! Thanks to his generosity, (and a few under the table transactions) he finally agreed to give us a brief interview. Here he is now. Mr. Balloon Man, I’m sure the first question on everyone’s mind is, “Where have you been?” Do you have an answer to this?

Balloon Man: Well Greg, funny thing about the past…while… is that I have not really been anywhere really. I did make a trip over to …an unknown area, for non denominational winter break.

Greg: (Interrupting) You say non denominational winter break, but don’t you celebrate Christmas? Rumor has it that you are a Latter Day Saint, wouldn’t that mean you are Christian?

Balloon Man: Well Greg while these rumors may be true, I prefer to be politically correct. I mean come on, what is worse then a million Jew’s, and Atheist’s knocking on your door complaining about how you tried to solicit Christianity, over the internet, and intruded on their freedom by saying such things. That is the real crime here Greg, people taking this freedom thing for granted. They seem to have the freedom to not hear anything like this, but I obviously do not have the freedom to even mention it…maybe it’s because my dad sells type writers. But anyways, I’m no Doctor, so what do I know?

Greg: (Silence) …Oh, I’m sorry, um must have dozed off there for a second. Well anyways, where have you been?

Balloon Man: Greg, I uh…think we went over that part already.

Greg: Oh…yes of course. (Clears throat) Well next question. As a super hero what has been your greatest battle?

Balloon Man: Well Greg, I guess this interview. (laughs)

Greg: (Laughs, obvious fake laugh)

Balloon Man: But seriously, yeah this is it.

Greg: Oh…um ok. Well when you went home for “Non Denominational Winter Break,” what did you do?

Balloon Man: Well Greg, I did a number of things, like the usuals you know: eat, sleep, that kind of thing. Other things, would include, um…opening presents, that was fun except I didn’t have very many. Seeing all the old faces was great as well. I did miss some, but life goes on you know? I did set out to find myself in the mountains of Ala…I mean a place that will not be named. I’m not sure why, it may have been that the altitude was so much lower then I am used to, but it was easy cheese. If you know what I’m saying that is. I must have gone like 10 miles or something, barely even broke a sweat. It was unusually hot there though. I mean it’s winter and it’s like 70 degrees. How crazy is that? Seriously how crazy is that? I’m not even joking answer me how crazy it is.

Greg: Errr…crazy?

Balloon Man: Exactly! That’s what I said.

Greg: How was the flight home?

Balloon Man: Well I could have obviously gotten there if I just used my power to fly over there, you know fill up some balloons and let the wind take me, but I decided to fly commercial airlines, you know, to be inconspicuous. I mean think about it, it’s not every day you see a man floating around on balloons. But anyways, we used this really old propeller plane for the first stretch, and I ran into some people that were heading my way, and I talked a bit to them. I haven’t seen them since. Well after some delayage of planes I finally reached SLC, that’s Salt Lake City to those of you who do not know. Well it was just as I remembered, and remembered it I did all too well.

Greg: Why would you say that?

Balloon Man: Well, you see it’s like this. I just feel like home is changing for me, when I get to familiar with another place. I don’t really want to change that.

Greg: Well Balloon Man thank you for your time, would it be alright if we came back later and finished up?

Balloon Man: Sure Greg, stop by anytime, but call me frist.

Greg: Ok. Will do, have a nice day.

Balloon Man: Greg, get out of my house.

And now for something completely different.

The Gentlemen

Can you picture this?
I bet you could if you’d only try.
It’s nothing to miss,
Trust me, would I lie?

Two men on the same page,
But in different books,
Entitled boredom, without gauge.
Stopped and exchanged looks.

Rose from seat and walked away,
But together all the same.
Then to their peers, they did sway.
Until no one more had came.

Their eyes became jointly locked,
But in ignorance of each other.
On their minds ideas flocked,
And reached for their goal together.

A pause of confusion relied,
On nothing, and passing time.
“This is mine.” One man cried,
And the other in perfect rhyme:

“Then this must be mine.”

“You can’t always get a-what you want
But if you try sometime, you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need”

-M. Jagger, K. Richards